How to Protect Our Children
How do your children view gang members who strut down the street in low-hanging khaki pants, pausing to flash a gang sign to another member? Are they seen as menacing or protective? Cool or ridiculous? Flush with drug money or heading for lives burdened with arrest records or gunshot wounds? Or even death?

These are issues to discuss with your children, since the self-image that gang members try to convey is often at odds with the reality of the lives they lead.

"The breeding ground of all gangs is exclusion,"
says Sergeant Richard Valdemar of the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department. "An individual feels threatened by poverty, ignorance, or some form of victimization, real or imagined. He finds other individuals who feel the same way, and their feelings are fed by an anti-establishment culture, drugs, crime, and racial separatism." Motivated by a desire for power and vengeance, the gang lashes out at outsiders at first, but eventually turns on itself as competing factions break away.

A 1998 U.S. Department of Justice survey of 2,668 law enforcement agencies concluded that 28,700 gangs and 780,000 gang members were active in the United States that year.

Gangs are as diverse as the neighborhoods in which they flourish. At one end of the spectrum are those involved with highly organized criminal businesses. At the other end are smaller, neighborhood-based gangs that may sell and use drugs but are bound by a sense of power, unity, and fierce loyalty. The price, however, is unspeakably high. What seem at first to be bonds of friendship or support become handcuffs on a youth's future. Independence and achievement fall to empty vows of loyalty. In the extreme, the brutality of gang life leads to prison, disability, or death.  

Prevent trouble before it starts
Former gang members and gang counselors say that the main key to keeping your child out of a gang is to provide an alternative life from the very beginning. Here are their suggestions.

Talk and talk and talk.
Former gang members say that their parents did not know their friends, did not ask much about school or their activities, and did not notice early signs of drug use or gang involvement until it was too late. "Pay attention to your kids and spend time with them. Don't letyour kids go to waste," says Javier Solis, a former gang member, now disabled from a gunshot wound, whose gang involvement ended his dreams of enlisting in the military.

Make time for family.
Children don't reveal their troubles and triumphs on command, at a certain moment set aside for quality time. So enlist your son's or daughter's help when you're folding laundry, chopping vegetables, washing dishes. When hands are busy, talk flows. (Make sure the TV is off.)

Fill up your child's schedule.
"Get up to the school and find out every after-school activity there is," recommends Robert J. DeSena, founder of the Council for Unity, a gang violence prevention movement based in Brooklyn. "Sign up your child for tutoring, recreation, arts and crafts, basketball, whatever." What DeSena calls "the time factor" is a huge contributor to gang involvement. He believes that every child and teenager should be busy with a structured, supervised activity between 2 p.m. and 8 p.m.-peak hours for crime.

Establish safe havens.
Make sure that your child has a secure place to go when school is not in session. Besides activities, YMCAs and other community organizations offer consistent, safe supervision by adults who understand kids and who have a stake in seeing kids succeed. At the YMCA, 8.5 million kids under age 18 receive computer training and participate in job skill sessions, camps, and activities from dance to martial arts. Many programs offer free transportation, and no child is turned away because his family can't pay.

Support your child.
Often what draws kids to gangs is approval, says DeSena: "You were in trouble, and they bailed you out." Once that happens, "the pull of the street is like a vortex, and it will be very hard to get them out." When your child does something good, be generous with praise. Let your child know that you are there in times of trouble, too, providing both discipline and love.

Don't abandon them when they make mistakes.
Growing up is hard to do, and adolescents will surely stumble along the way, says Carmelita Gallo, director of programs and product development for the YMCA of the USA. "Kids value the fact that an adult doesn't give up on them. They think, I messed up, and I don't know why I did it. Are you still there for me?'"

Get involved in a Church youth group.
They need new positive friends. A Church is a great place to meet  positive friends.

Establish rules and consequences.
Even very young children should know your rules and what happens if they are broken. Very small children may need a time-out from activities, while older children may need to be restricted from television or may need favorite toys or privileges taken away. Serious misbehavior calls for serious consequences, insists Del Hendrixson, director of the Bajito Onda Foundation, a Dallas-based organization that offers shelter from gangs in the form of job skills and support. She describes one family who removed every piece of furniture from a teenager's room and made him earn it back, starting with the privilege of sleeping in a bed. Was that extreme? "I don't think so," she says. "You are the parent. You make the rules."

Form a network of parents.
In today's chaotic world, no parent can know everything going on in a child's world, much less supervise her child every minute of every day. Exchange phone numbers with parents of your children's friends. Work as a team to explore activities for your children and teens. Trade advice and make rules together.

Be vigilant.
Know what is in your child's room, on the covers of his notebooks, and in his backpack. It doesn't mean that you have to snoop; just be alert. Especially know what gangs are in your neighborhood. Be familiar with their members and their signs, which might be as simple as a black T-shirt with a certain logo, or a hand gesture. "You have to be incredibly vigilant," says DeSena. "There are vultures out there. If you let your child get too close, you will be fighting for the kid's soul."

Nurture your child's strengths.
Every child has a talent. Find your child's special gift and do everything in your power to help it develop. Solis loved soccer, but his parents never came to the sign-up day for after-school sports. A budding artist can be painting at the Boys and Girls Club or tattooing a gang symbol into a friend's wrist. As a parent, you need to guide that choice.

Envision a better future for your child.
Every child has dreams. What first-grader doesn't want to be a firefighter or a singer or a professional soccer player when he grows up? But too often, parents get wrapped up in the difficult job of making ends meet, and they forget to share in their children's dreams. Don't dismiss as nonsense a little boy's dream of becoming an astronaut; tell him to do well in math and make a project for the school science fair. Read your little girl's mock newspaper and tell her she can be a real reporter if she becomes a good reader and writer. Point out role models who grew up in your neighborhood: doctors, business owners, law enforcement officers, and members of the military who stayed in school and realized their ambitions.

Don't be in denial.
If your child is wearing ganglike clothing, displays gang signs, and is increasingly secretive, and you suspect that he may be involved in drug use or criminal activity, pay attention to your gut feelings. Your child is probably in a gang. "It's a problem that isn't going to go away by itself. You have to face it and get help," says Deputy Sylvia Ramos of the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department STAR program (Success Through Awareness and Resistance).

Don't buy the "protection" explanation.
Some parents believe that their children have no alternative but to join a gang, since they think that local schools are completely dominated by warring factions. "It's a question I get all the time, and it's a myth," says Sergeant Valdemar. "Even in the worst schools and the worst neighborhoods, like the one where I grew up, fewer than 10 percent of kids get involved in gangs." Gangs only force newcomers to join when they have been hanging out with them, dating girls in the gang, or seeking out the gang for protection. Kids who steer clear of relationships with gang members will never be forced to join, he says.  

Finding a way out
Just as not every child must join a gang, not every gang member must remain in a gang. Although gangs can threaten dire consequences to those who leave, some gangs generally do not hunt down members who have left their fold, in contrast to gangs such as the Crips and Bloods, which may kill expatriates, says Hendrixson.

If your son or daughter is in a gang, do not lose hope.

Get help.
Helping your child escape gang life is not easy. You must find ways to motivate your child to want to leave. Then you must understand the dynamics of the gang to figure out how a break can be made without endangering your child, your other children, or you. Whom can you turn to?

Community antigang programs.
Bajito Onda Foundation, based in Dallas, and the Council for Unity, based in Brooklyn, are only two of the many nonprofit organizations that exist to help gang members pull away and find another life through peace, job training, and the love and support of friends. Through these organizations, you can meet former gang members who can explain how they cut their ties to gangs. To find the names of organizations like this in your community, call the United Way or your local Boys and Girls Club, both listed in the telephone book under Community Service Organizations, Human Service Organizations, or Youth Organizations.

Churches.
Many religious organizations have been very involved in gang prevention and helping gang members to get a fresh start.  Our ministry is dedicated and experienced in helping gang members out of a gang lifestyle.

Schools.
The guidance counselors at your child's school are excellent resources. They can help you work with your child and can tell you how to reach local agencies that offer support and shelter to people trying to escape the grip of gangs.

The police.
Many times people are reluctant to contact the police because they think that they will be exposing themselves or their children to arrest. But many police departments now have prevention officers whose job it is to keep kids out of trouble, not put them in jail. These officers may work in the schools, talking to children about ways to stay off drugs and stay out of gangs. They may be able to give you advice over the phone without even knowing your name.

Consider a move.
A move will only be successful if it is your child who desperately wants to leave gang life. The impetus has to come from him. If you move because you want to force your child to leave a gang, he will just join up with another gang or start a new one, warns Enid Margolies, Ph.D., director of education, safety, development, and support for the New York City schools.

But if the desire is there to start a new life, relocating to a new setting may help a child re-establish himself. You may have a relative in another city or outside the United States whom he